This years Tour saw us down in Cornwall at Newquay from 7th to 12th August staying at the Quies Hotel. The following is a diary of events that took place over the week as I can best remember but as you can probably appreciate you had to be there…… .
The advanced party of Roger Braybrook (Dodge) , Ian Lobb (Nippa) and Nigel Lobb (Shot Nige) arrived around 2pm in glorious sunshine and after quickly checking in at the Quies Hotel were soon out and about reconnoitring the area and local sights. An Australian Walkabout bar was soon found at Towan Beach and after listening to England beat Australia by 2 runs on the way down it was decided it would be rude not to pay a visit where we were soon joined by Lee Smith (Smudge) and Trish (Boss1), Paul Harley (D’Von) and Hayley (Boss2) and Scott Harris (Scotty). An attempt was made to get some food from the Corkers Bar but as the chef had just finished his shift we had to make do with relaxing in the leather armchairs looking out over Towan Beach and having another pint, also taking time to learn some of the local ways of “pull out knob and push back firmly” to acquire a Racing Snake! The first of the Cornish Pasties was had for tea and the evening was spent in The Sailor watching the cricket highlights from earlier and being treated to a duet by Smudge and Scotty on the Karaoke singing Boyzones Father and Son, Smudge claiming his mike didn’t work but good effort Scotty. Then on to The Fort testing our lack of knowledge on the Quiz machine and playing Killer on the Pool Table until 10:30pm, Sunday hours!!
The three of us already staying at the Quies Hotel, Dodge, Nippa & Shot Nige all make the breakfast time (8am – 9am) and are fuelled up with Cereals, Orange Juice, a full cooked breakfast and toast and then stroll round to Fistral Beach where we were later joined by Smudge , Boss1 , D’von, Boss2 and Scotty. By 12:30 the party had increased with David Roe (Roddus) Andy Foster (Foz) and Jamie Braybrook (Hawaii 5-0) arriving, Hawaii 5-0 being the first to venture into the sea fully kitted out with eye goggles and snorkle although the first wave took care of the snorkel never to be seen again. Lunch is taken in the Corkers bar as the rest of the party start to arrive and get checked into the Quies Hotel. By mid afternoon the Party is complete and arrangements are made to get to Falmouth for the first game of the Tour.
We arrive at Falmouth around 5pm well before any opposition turn up but first there are a few duties to under take. The first being the full party photograph then, as much as I’d hoped it would pass unnoticed as I fully expected to be thrown into the sea if
anyone remembered, it was my 21st birthday yet again ( I seem to have had a few of them now) so thanks again for the cake and bubbly everyone.
The game starts just after 6pm and Falmouth are soon taking advantage of the short boundary as we give everyone two overs and they finish on 170 for 7. Our batting order is decided by drawing playing cards with Nippa and Scotty getting the honour of opening the innings.
The Tour Duck sat expectantly at the top of the steps waiting to be presented to the first not to score and he sat and waited and waited and waited again but lo and behold everyone managed to get off the mark. Scotty and Tax Dodger even managed an all run six followed next ball by an all run four but we were always slightly behind the clock and inevitably we finished 24 runs short. With everyone contributing to the score and a few getting a wicket a piece not to mention two catches behind the stumps for yours truly this made the awarding of the Yellow Jersey a difficult task but as he had managed to get himself run out on 49 it was decided by the “Fines Committee” to award it to the Tax Dodger aka Tom Evans.
Our thanks go to Falmouth Cricket Club for a very enjoyable evening, especially for the Cornish Pasties afterwards, how many the Tax Dodger managed is still not clear but it was suggested that the slogan on the back of the Yellow Jersey he was wearing be changed from “Don’t Talk To Me I’m S**t” to “Don’t Talk To Me I Need A S**t”. The Party returned to Newquay and soon assembled in The Sailor and then on to a bar called HELP (I need somebody – you know the Beatles song, which surprisingly we never heard played) until closing time at midnight when it was decided that dressed in our Tour Shirts, hats, shorts and Jesus Sandals we were properly attired for The Beach, a Night Club . Miraculously we all get past the bouncers on the door and spend the next couple of hours drinking and some were sought of dancing , names with held to protect the guilty but oh dear Nippa (pictured left). The day for most finished at 3am, those who were out until 4.30am can tell their own story…….
Breakfast time and all are present and correct with full cooked English breakfasts all round. The morning is spent down on Towan Beach, on the way there 7 Body Surf Boards are purchased in the hope of a bit of a swell but guess what, there’s hardly a ripple. Alex Pavier (Teffers) finds it hard to leave work behind and is soon recycling cans and bottles out of the sea as well as a mobile phone which Smudge assures us was not the one he had in his pocket when he went swimming in Rhodes. A game of beach cricket is quickly set up with the thinking we may need some practise before the afternoon’s game, Roddus living up his “casual” name with some nonchalant catching in the sea. However we destroy two balls faster even than an SNCL ball on a Saturday afternoon and have to revert to a card school before its time to prepare for the main event of the day, a 40 overs a side cricket match at Perranporth against the Good Fellows, a team from Exeter who are also on tour.
Our skipper Hawaii 5-0 loses the toss and on a very hot and sunny afternoon we are sent into the field to wilt as they run up a score of 250 for 6 as again everyone gets a bowl. Why no one appeals for a caught behind off the very first ball still remains a mystery and the batsman goes on to make 49 before being bamboozled by a Shot Nige round the wicket Slider which was casually, of course, caught by Roddus at Long On. An excellent tea provided by Perranporth is enjoyed after which our innings gets under way or doesn’t as the case may be as we suddenly find ourselves a few down for not very many with the Duck making a few visits to the middle to escort the “none scores” safely home. The innings is rescued by Scotty with 42 and Shot Nige with 10 and later by Nippa with 47 and Tax Dodger 25 not out as we finish on 197. We retire to the Bar to await the findings of the Fines Committee yet again and everyone is suitably fined for our second defeat in two days but this time no one dares to argue , except Nippa of course, for fear of the fine being doubled. The Yellow Jersey for some reason that completely escapes me is awarded to Tax Dodger and the Duck is passed for safe keeping to both Foz and D’Von. Good Fellows also were employing Fines but where as ours were generally restricted to around £5 it was not unusual for their players to have to pay out £20 and they won! After several jugs of Larger are purchased with the Fines money and dispatched we return to Newquay and reassemble again in the Sailor where there is a local band playing so we are soon off to Help until invited to leave after closing time.
Yet again everyone makes breakfast but apparently Teffers would not like a cooked breakfast this morning but thank you very much for asking (NO!!!). Wednesday is our day off from cricket so we all gather on Fistral Beach where the “surfs up dude” and the Body Boards come into their own. Even the Duck has his own surf board but struggles to find his balance, just what were Foz and D’Von giving him to drink last night. Some got the hang of catching the waves whilst others floated around for a couple of hours, hey D’Von . The obligatory beach cricket match started as the tide went out but was soon brought to a halt by the “Foster and Pavier Dam Building Construction Company”. Obviously the dam being as strong as their batting it didn’t take too long to break so it was off to the The Fort for a liquid lunch.
The original plan was in the afternoon to go across to Hollywell Bay and have a round of Golf but with the weather being so hot and sunny we stayed longer that anticipated at the Fort (hic) so while some went shopping or for a stroll around Newquay Shot Nige introduced Dodge, D’Von, Hawaii 5-0 and Roddus to the card game 31 back on the Sun Deck at the Hotel.
The evening meal that night was a trip to a Chinese restaurant, just how are you expected to eat chips with chopsticks! The plan was to meet up at 9pm for Quiz Night in The Sailor. However when two were refused entry because they could not produce any Id, this after we had already been in there three times during the week, we gathered in the Red Square bar before relocating to our local , Help and then once that closed on to the Newquay Arms until 2am taking over the Pool Table. Dodge however didn’t get the message of what had happened at the Sailor and ended up taking part in the Quiz on his own reporting that had we all been there we would have probably (as in Carlsberg) won. One or two were now starting to feel the effects of some late nights over the last few days and for a minute or two panic sets in, Scotty, when a shout goes up at the Hotel that Tax Dodger is dead but it turns out he sleeps with his eyes open!!!
One by one everyone again makes it for breakfast and there is a spare full English up for grabs which Scotty immediately takes advantage of but then can’t finish, what a waste. We have our last game in the afternoon so decide to have the round of Golf in the morning as its not far from Perranporth where we are playing again, this time against a Perranporth team. The Fines monies pays for twelve rounds of Golf and after a little wait for others ahead of us we set off in three groups later to become four groups as we try to speed up. Disaster for David Wagstaff (Mouse) as he finds a bunker, ay Smudge ay, and takes an eleven but then at the next hole losses sight of his ball only to find its in the hole for a hole in one!!. At the 17th which was about 40 yards out and 100 feet down we have a nearest the pin contest which was won by Boss1, the overall winner of the Golf was Dodge with a score of 65, 6 under par. It had taken so long to get around the Golf course we didn’t have time for the Battle Boats or the Go Karts, we will have to do them another year, and we headed off to Perranporth for the afternoon game.
Hawaii 5-0 stands down and elects to umpire so we are led this time by Mouse who dutifully wins the toss and elects to bat first. The innings is opened this time by Mouse and Shot Nige and with their Australian steaming in and the first ball pitching on Middle and Off and going away off the Seam quite considerably it looked from the non strikers end at least as though we were going to have to take this very seriously but although we lost Mouse fairly early on the Aussie never produced that ball again and Shot Nige (64) and Roddus (52) embarked on a 101 run partnership in 14 overs. Although wickets then started to fall the run rate was kept up and we finished our 40 overs with 265 runs on the Board. The only time the Duck got out of his seat was to meet Dodge who was perhaps? unlucky to be run out first ball off the last ball of the innings. Another excellent tea was enjoyed and then again everyone got a bowl as Perranporth finished 100 runs adrift.
A special mention of thanks here to Hayley Twells (Boss2) and Lynn Wagstaff (Boss3) for scoring in the three games and doing an excellent job especially when the opposition didn’t have a scorer or anyone capable of scoring. So it was time for the Fines Committee to do their worst again and that resulted in Hawaii 5-0 being fined the heaviest and he was the umpire. The Yellow Jersey was awarded to Nippa for refusing to run off the last ball that resulted in Dodge being Run Out. In total over the three games between us we paid £197 in Fines which we subsequently enjoyed on both the Golf course and in the bars.
In the Perranporth Pavilion hanging from the ceiling were Caps from other clubs who had played tour games so it was felt proper that we should add our Cap to the collection as a thank you for accommodating us.
On our victorious return to Newquay the last evening was
spent in Help where the last of the Fines money was spent and we reflected on
what had been an absolutely brilliant tour in every aspect. The Hotel, the
weather, the cricket , the camaraderie everything was spot on so I’m sure
everyone who went on the tour will join me in saying thanks and well done Jamie
and to those who missed out this year get your names down now for next year
because we MUST do this again.
Here’s to the next time
Cheers,
Shot Nige